What will I do?

Yesterday a friend of my colleague and I were having a discussion if we will be aggressive Desi mothers who will push their kids to do well in education over anything. And I told her ( of course with no experience whatsoever) that I will try not to stress about it. My friend (who has a lot of experience) told me that no matter what it is you will always want your kid to do better...and it got me thinking and really it has been at the back of my head since.

I remember my childhood. I was at best a below average student. My main focus was on playing and more playing. Mom tried her best to tell me again and again that education would be my only way out to give me independence. Mom quit her active life to be a home maker and that was a long time ago and mom has always felt that need for a girl to be independent and stand on her own feet. After all mom had seen a lot of turmoil in her family that she wanted to spare me from.

Around 7th standard I started to study. Probably because I left Trichy and moved to Chennai and suddenly things seemed easier to me. I really do not know how but I started enjoying school and I moved up in ranks too. Maths still evaded me though. It wasn't until my 9th standard when I met Mr. Ramachandran who made me love maths. Ya, he was first to teach me the logic  behind maths. He told me how I cannot simply memorize maths like geography or social studies and that I have to play with it to enjoy it. From then on there was no looking back for me. Which is exactly why I always tell that my arithmetic sucks while my mathematics rocks. And yes there is a difference between the two, will save that for another post.

So anyhow, as much as mom insisted me on studying well she never forced it upon me. She had some kind of confidence that I would pull up together when the enlightening came. Though it came late, it came at the right time and saved me from a dismal future. And at a time when every other kid was doing engineering or medicine amma let me do Architecture (albeit some reservations) and my neighbors wondered WHY??!

Thank you mom for giving me the opportunity to mature slowly, to enjoy my childhood, to actually have childhood memories that are more than just studying. Thanks for letting me play when others were cramming and thanks for telling me the importance of being an independent woman. I am obviously what I am because of you.

But the question for me is, will I be as good as you were to me? Will I be a mother who does not force her daughter to study, will I be able to let myself let my child to pursue her dreams? I want to but I do not know if I will be because I have not met that challenge yet. And I do agree with my friend that I do enjoy when Babbi shines at doing something. So will I push her to do something she does not like because I like it? Oh God, please help me and direct me in the right path lest I not regret my ways when it will be too late.

XoXo

ART