Monday, September 17, 2007

37th week now! 3 more to go...

Last week I was thinking about my looong life on planet earth...29.6 years. I still remember being a little kid trying to get hold of the next Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys book during summer vacation and fighting for it in the library...I can still remember the train journeys during vacations with my family...I can still remember wondering when I will grow up to be big so that I can join big people's group and listen to their secrets...

Twenty nine and half years later...and I still do not belong to big people's group...because they are all bigger...but then life has changed...I cannot imagine that I am almost there towards having my first child...still sometimes I forget that I am pregnant and only an attempt at trying to lift something from the floor or trying to look at my feet puts my life back in perspective...That this little girl is going to have a little one for herself...

And then I think about how easy it was for my parents to raise me...I was a decently good girl...did not get into too much trouble...school was not my favorite place but was never in the blacklist either...was playful but not mischievous, was a mini-rebel but did not do too many damaging things...and in the end turned out fine and still love my family with all my heart...so I guess it was easy...you look at it our entire generation was easy...too few distractions...drugs were not in fashion (at least for me), and India was still conservative and unaffected by Western influence, sustenance was still dependent on pocket money basis...so had to obey and be nice...I don't think I have ever been able to convincingly say "It's my life, and I will do what I want, don't need you to interfere..." because the very next meal or new tee shirt was from dad's salary...so ya...things were easy!

Look at things now...things are scary...go to a local mall and I will tell you that any respectable parent from our generation will pull his tongue and commit suicide seeing the things kids wear and do...but then we cannot control them any more can we? So raising a child now really scares me...I am always going through the anxiety of parenthood...Will I be able to do it right? At least half as good as my parents? Will I be able to influence my child to do something out of his life? Will I be a good parent? Will my child be obedient and loving and caring like I am towards my family? Gosh!!! How many more "Will I be's..." will there be?

But on the brighter side...a new baby is like fresh clay that is in the hands of a craftsman...and hopefully I am skilled enough to mold it to the best shining vase ever...It is definitely a challenge and a puzzle and I hope I tackle it and figure it out with the correct answer...In the next few weeks my new adventures begin and as much as I looking forward to it, I am also psyched to no boundaries...fun fun fun!

Things I have done or almost done:

1) Getting close to closing my hospital bag...it just needs a few things in it to make it complete.
2) Did a sonogram to figure out if the baby was lying in the right position...and yay! he/she was!
3) Baby clothes are washed and sorted and ready to be used.
4) Two baby showers last week has bought me loads of things that I have sorted out and stored them in our new chest and drawers...I am excited to use them...Thanks to everyone who have helped me...
5) The house is almost clean but for the bathrooms...which will be worked out this weekend...

So I guess things are moving forward in the right direction!