Ouch!

Life is so muddled up. Our brain makes us think that we are the only ones existing in the world. The world revolves around us. Everyone must see me, and see me enjoy life, or suffer and feel happy or sad for me whatever the case maybe. How can they forget to feel what I am going through? The mind thinks like this all the time, until of course reality hits.

That life is not about you (or me), at least not always. There are others, going through similar or polar emotions just like you are. Everyone is a center of their own world or universe. We must give everyone their due and give them time and space.


So I learnt today. That it is not just me who has problems. There are others around me who are my friends who are also going through crap. But in moments of tension and such I forget. And when I hear it from them, I am covered with shame, that I was selfish and thought only about myself, my baby and my family...

ABCD??!!! Really?!!

I wonder who it is actually we are talking about when we say ABCD (American Born Confused Desi’s).

Here are the reasons why I think that the first generation Indian immigrants are more confused than the second generation kids and how we cause the confusion in our offsprings who are born and raised in a foreign country…

• Most of us do not leave India and move abroad because we felt oppressed, or were ill-treated, or had issues with the government or anything like that. People who actually face that do not have the choice of leaving India at all.

It is us, the middle class or the upper middle class who have everything we want (in moderation) in India that chooses to leave. We have had exactly the same fun and frolic in India as much as we have had here in a foreign country. It is us who have seen Gerber foods to Levis Jeans and seen coffee shops to Toblerone chocolates that decide to leave, because we have the choice.

This very choice also acts against us. For example the minute we land here we start looking around for comparable stuff, like the guy who irons your shirts for just Rs.1 (hardly even 10cents) or for the guy who will deliver your fruits and veggies to your home. From there the longing starts and for every other sentence we keep telling each other “This time, last year, I was eating home made food that mom made for Diwali, and look at me now, sitting here, in a new country, eating the nonsense that I cooked.”

• It is our generation that always keeps talking about wanting to go back. Not that of our children, who are born Americans or Canadians and remain Americans or Canadians, and yet are called ABCD’s.

• If the kid is sick, we are the ones who think, should we give them Ayurveda, homeopathy or allopathic treatment. The kids actually would prefer to go to a doctor and listen to them.

• We are the ones who are confused because we want to celebrate Diwali and then Halloween too.

• We want our children to learn to speak in English with the local accent but also send them to Hindi/Tamil/Telugu/whatever language classes in an attempt to keep them speaking in Desi when they grow up.

• We are also the same parents that start talking to the kids in English as they grow up and then complain to the outside world that “My son only talks in English with him. I don’t know why he is not talking in Telugu any more.”

• We are also the same parents who take our kids to Geetha classes, Vedha classes and also force them to live in a country which is not based on the Geetha or the Vedha.

• We want to take our kids to Burger King but we want them to eat Veggie burger??!!!

• We want them to learn Ballet and also learn classical music or the other way around, go to Opera classes and learn Bharatanatyam…

• We want them to wear Ghagra to dance Dandiya and then change over to a cocktail dress to go to a friend’s wedding?? And you take them to a cocktail party but give them glares when they reach out for the champagne??!!!

And we do all this so that the parents (us) can boast that their kids are all rounders who are Americans or Australians but are very much Indian in their life choices??. Do the kids really ask you to teach them lifestyles from two different worlds? Do the kids really want to know what it is to be an Indian living in America? It is the choices we first generation immigrants make for our children and yet they are ones being called as ABCD… because for them, they are really Americans living in

This video will summarize what I want to say…part of at least.

With that I sign off this week...see y'all next week and hopefully it is more brighter for all of us!

PS: If you have an opinion but cannot express it freely in the fear of getting branded and you go with the herd then what is the point of having an opinion at all?

PS-2- Blogger is very annoying and is messing with my formatting! GRRRRRRR

Disclaimer:

This blog is not a take on any particular country. The only country that is a constant is India but the rest of it applies to Indians who have moved away from India and have established bases in various foreign countries.

The Elections and All...

I don't get to vote in the United State of America, so I particularly did not pay much attention to the elections. I enjoyed the debates and kept up with the gossip but that was it. I did not sit down and do calculations as to how my life will be affected based on who wins the elections. The reason I did not do it was because I did not have a say in the government. Which is also probably the reason why I was never strongly McCain or strongly Obama.

I must admit though that these elections were by far the most fun to follow. G and I stayed up last night to see Obama's speech before we hit the sack talking about it for sometime. Tears welled up in my eyes to hear McCain's speech. The respect I had for him just doubled the very minute he started talking. And when Mr. President-Elect came on the screen I could feel the energy, the vigor, and the charisma that we are going to have in the White House for the next four years and I felt proud.

Like many have repeated it time and again, this is definitely a change and the change has happened, and this sort of a change can only happen in America, which is exactly why this is one of world's greatest country. And I am so proud to be here.

PS: The small things that make me love USA more...yesterday I was driving back home with babbi on a crowded road and I saw an Emergency vehicle drive up on the opposite side which was so packed up at the intersection. But the minute he turned his lights on everyone scurried over to make room for him to drive. That very act of trying to let the person in urgency go made my heart well up.

Disclaimer: I am an Indian and will remain one until I choose to change it. And I love my country as much as I love America or even a little more for the memories and the great opportunity it provided me with. India was the country chosen for me and right now America is the country I chose...No one to attack me with "You are a fake Indian," and such comments...I spoke what was in my heart.

The most heart wrenching thing

to watch is leaving your daughter at her baby sitter and walk away. Ignore the out stretched arms and the cry to go back home with you. Ignore everything and turn away and quickly run to your car. It is more so hurtful when the child you are leaving back is not feeling well. But such is life, to provide for the future of the baby mom and dad have to work and there is really no other way of justifying this hurt.

When Anu starts studying there will be a power cut - Murphy's Law for Anu

That is the story of my life. When I was in school I remember that on the days before exams I would waste time reading novels, talking on the phone, going for walks, playing with my dog, basically do everything but study. Then finally as the time got closer to getting dark, I would seriously open my books and sit down in my study room and start with a pencil over my ears and something to munch on, on the side. I would make silly rules like I will eat one serving of mixture if I finish one page among other silliness...

The mood is now set in, because the fear has set in. I am all ready to tackle the few knowns and the many unknowns...and then Chennai Electricity Board (CEB) decides to play with my life, er, exams. Magically the lights will turn off, the fans will stop running, no power. The entire neighborhood will walk out to their porticos and we will sit gossiping. This was the typical time for families to chill.

But then our heroine aka ME will be freaking out. There will be a couple of kids who would be smart alecs and would tell my mom, "I have to do third revision aunty, other than that I am ready." The my mom will look at me, and I would tell her, "I have to start reading amma." And the glare I would get back from her would summarize what she meant to tell, "Look at that girl and look at yourself, shame on you."

Why am I writing it now? Certainly not to make a joke of my then sorry plight but to draw an analogy. I moved to Dallas in 2004 and started working here. I had every opportunity to write my IDP exams and my exams for Leed...but what did I do? Party, party and more party. Now all of a sudden I want to prepare for the exams and guess what happens? Yup the power goes off, yet again, just in a different way, in that I am dealing with more responsibility in life.

I sit back and think, well, I cannot obviously blame Baboo, because I am now well aware that what I did not do before Baboo would not be done now and I should not blame her for my laziness in general. But I do know that I did pass those exams in spite of doing just one revision if at all, so my life still has hope!