Friday, January 27, 2012

Trying to Rest at Home

I have been really sick before but I never took the time off to stay home. I was always back at work. I felt that if I stayed at home, I would be cleaning, organizing, sorting, and doing things I did not get done before. The last time I did that was in Feb of 2008 when I had flu and I could not move a limb. And now again, I am at home spending time on the couch. I cannot move and do any cleaning even I wanted to. The knee hurts, so I am sitting with heat pad to the back, cold pack on my knees, water bottles, remote controls, phone and laptop with lotsa pillows and blankets. I really hope not to move though I did sweep the house clean. I could not bear to see my hair taking over the floor space.

At the same time, I am sitting at home feeling super guilty that I have sent my daughter who has a cold to school because I really cannot take care of her the way I am right now. Mentally too, I am exhausted and I am really short with her. The guilt is immense but if I recover soon, then maybe I can take care of her better. I don't think that with a broken knee I can do much of parenting other than asking her to fetch me things (which she does beautifully) or to sit down and be a good girl. So I have convinced myself that this is good.

Mommy guilt sucks the most in the world. If only there was a way I could meditate the whole thing nice would that be?

Since I am at home, doing nothing but sitting on my ass...I might actually post today...random things. I really want to sort the pics from our SFO/LA/Vegas trip. Hopefully I do that and get them online for family and make the album I wanted to do...lets see...


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