Almost 5?! Chincha? Really?!

I cannot believe that I have spent my last five years being a mother first and foremost. I had started at the job with practically no experience and now I can say that with five years under the belt that I still think I am a novice. I am not the typical mom you would come to with advice...be it potty training or feeding, it all just happened while I was at work...I really say that. Things all happened and fell into place and I was there to catch it. With amazing baby sitters and friends I managed through somewhat decently.

Now that she is older and needs more time and more influence I am stuck. She will turn five in two weeks and then her life will change...yes dramatically so and over night. She will realize that she is big now because I have been harrassing her with it and then I will have to teach her big girl stuff...you may ask, like what? and I will tell you because I don't want you think something else up...you see there are so many things a parent has to teach her ward(s) like biking, running without falling, swimming, tennis, ice skating, singing, dancing, and of course the omnipresent Indian guide on "How to become an Engineer/Doctor/or something really cool."

This is too much pressure on us...the parents...I thought I had left the pressure system back in India when I moved out but apparently a whole bunch of others also relocated with me to make my life hell and keep the pressure on...how nice of you competitive Desi Tiger Mom's...so now there are decisions...schools...private vs public vs charter. The charter schools are filled with Desi moms who are ready to train their children into spelling bee champs or geography bee smart Alec's. I am even being stereotyped by people around me...Seriously, I might look like it but I am not that...I hate to force her to study. I even took her out of Ballet class because she visibly sucked...and then had to re-enroll because she so desperately wanted to give it a try...not my call...see...I hate to force...

But I realize that I am in the education race that I do not want to be a part of. I am being forced and so I will force her and then we will be in the rat race once again...the race that I wanted to leave behind in India. I wanted her to have a childhood free of feeling pressured...with five comes a whole new realm of life and responsibilities for the parents as well as the child(ren) and as excited as I am that she is older now, a side of me misses the carefree parenting days, when going to the park or lying on the bed was fun and I did not have to worry if she knew her sounds of her numbers. I miss holding her while sat still on me because now she is ready to bound away. I miss the days of me singing and her enjoying as against her telling me to keep quiet while she sang...life has changed.

Here is to my little monkey who is going to be 5 soon. You are the best 4 year old ever (and 3 and 2 and 1 and 0). You never bothered me with morning sickness or learning how to pee in pot or drink from a glass. You were quick to learn and easy to raise. Thanks for making mommyhood easy for me and your Papa. We love you the most and when we are not with you we are talking and thinking about you. You fill the voids and everything around us. You make us feel full and in your words...when you are a good girl, you fill my bucket (heart) and when you are bad...you still keep it full...

Love
Amma.

PS: You can sing almost all the songs on 106.1 Kiss FM. Your favorite is Maroon5 (Payphone). I have strictly prohibited you from singing Whistle (Flo-Rida) though you beg me to hear it. You also like (love) One Direction (Beautiful) and love Katy Perry.

Keep singing and keep us all happy.