Mental Wanderer!

The last few months have been a roller coaster - of emotions, of lives, of my world as I know it. I was forced to look inside and see that I was not what I thought I always was. I almost entertained a thought that I never thought I would in my life. I was chastised for something that should not have been and I my many apologies seemed to fall in deaf ears. I looked around and saw smiling faces and I felt guilt every time I wanted to laugh. I went on a party wagon but could not let loose to enjoy the ride. Every meal I ate made me feel bad, every word I said made me look inside. I looked at others and felt a pang of jealousy wondering how nice it would be to live life without being me. Yet through all these times I was grateful. I was grateful because I had things that others did not, like love and support, and things to love. I wonder if everyone go through life like this or similar in their life. Yet, I see that as we move on, get stronger, we do not stop to hold others' hands. Instead, we chug along racing towards the never-finding goal ignoring the one's whose lives are down in the dump like mine was a few days ago.

I hope to come out of these funky months very soon and when I do, I want to be stronger, look in the eyes of the perpetrators and tell them that "the shit they threw at me did pass but when it happens to them and if I am around I will extend my hands instead of shitting over them."

Mental wanderer is the state of my mind the last few days. I smile on the outside but the brain is looking around for something that is not touchable. I am hoping that the sun will rise and will shine on me and others going through similar things, it cannot be dark forever, it should not be dark forever. Keep reminding yourself that it is always "mind over matter."

Mental Wandering ART!