Competitive

Competitive...The latest trend amongst people my age is to claim their virtues and be proud of it. I have literally heard people loudly and proudly say, "I am so competitive," or "I am type A personality," or "I hate to loose." Sure, I am always looking forward to my next loss!

I have an acquaintance who is proud of simple thing as cleaning the counter, well, because he is Type A personality and has self acclaimed to posses OCD. This is just insulting those who have been diagnosed with the disorder while all he does is clean the counters well.

Then there is this lady who walks around claiming that she is competitive in three out of five conversation I had with her. It was an immediate turn off. I understand that you are competitive but you do not have to competitively tell everyone about it. I feel that everyone is competitive about things they want and care about. I, for example, won't compete in a drinking game because I know I would loose on the second drink but that does not mean I am not competitive, just that I have better things to fight for.

When I thought this was an oddity I realized that this is more common than not. A few weeks ago two women quickly claimed that they were both aggressive about winning. One could hardly hold herself back while the other was claiming it that she rushed to chime, "me too." I saw them both and across their room and they turned into little kids fighting for the one last ice cream. I laughed so hard inside that I could barely contain it when I was talking to them later. Their stature became so small and cute that they were not imposing any more.

I hope that my daughter does not turn up to be them. That she can relax and compete in things that matter to her because that is what life is all about, fight for what you not and not what others want you to fight for. Do what you enjoy and you would never have to claim personality traits to fit in. Just because your strength turns out to be an achiever in one of those useless test does not mean that you will achieve everything in life or vice versa. It is ok, we all have one life to live, while live it being a "me too?"

A Zen ART

Mental Wanderer!

The last few months have been a roller coaster - of emotions, of lives, of my world as I know it. I was forced to look inside and see that I was not what I thought I always was. I almost entertained a thought that I never thought I would in my life. I was chastised for something that should not have been and I my many apologies seemed to fall in deaf ears. I looked around and saw smiling faces and I felt guilt every time I wanted to laugh. I went on a party wagon but could not let loose to enjoy the ride. Every meal I ate made me feel bad, every word I said made me look inside. I looked at others and felt a pang of jealousy wondering how nice it would be to live life without being me. Yet through all these times I was grateful. I was grateful because I had things that others did not, like love and support, and things to love. I wonder if everyone go through life like this or similar in their life. Yet, I see that as we move on, get stronger, we do not stop to hold others' hands. Instead, we chug along racing towards the never-finding goal ignoring the one's whose lives are down in the dump like mine was a few days ago.

I hope to come out of these funky months very soon and when I do, I want to be stronger, look in the eyes of the perpetrators and tell them that "the shit they threw at me did pass but when it happens to them and if I am around I will extend my hands instead of shitting over them."

Mental wanderer is the state of my mind the last few days. I smile on the outside but the brain is looking around for something that is not touchable. I am hoping that the sun will rise and will shine on me and others going through similar things, it cannot be dark forever, it should not be dark forever. Keep reminding yourself that it is always "mind over matter."

Mental Wandering ART!