All other kids posed for their parents in front of the school sign, in the parking lot, at the door to the school, in their classroom, everywhere. Mine, well, did not. She refused to smile for the camera and kept looking away every time I begged her for a pose. I was that miserable parent you see running around with her phone ready to snap a shot and missing completely. G stood smirking at my "typical" mom behavior. Both him and S laughed at me while I was not looking. Oh! Well!
As I was about to head out I saw another parent, S's friend's mom, standing teary eyed at the door to their classroom. She was gushing to another mom saying how the kid has grown up and she was not ready for this. I literally touched my cheeks...nothing...no moisture. "Bad Mom" moment...I looked around and saw several other moms doing the same thing...shedding tears...and me...dry like a desert.
I walked away wondering why I did not feel these emotions. I was sad to see her start her next grade but not really sad to see her grow up. As long as she is growing up positively and healthily, who am I to complain? I justified it in my head and walked to the car. I still could not get over it.
I kept mulling about it over and over in my head, am I a bad mom because I did not feel any sadness enough to cry? I thought about it hard and realized that I have never cried at good bye's. The one time I was close to crying was when I left my parents house after a really wonderful summer break. I did not cry during my kinder drop off, or when I left my home country to come to another country. It dawned on me that I lack the emotion and just like me so did G. The image of S shooing me away and going to her desk begging me not to embarrass her came to my head. She sat down at her assigned spot and never once looked back. This was her, from kinder to now...just like mom and dad...she was one of us, the kind that does not look back after saying bye.
Thanks for reading!
A-non-Shedding ART
As I was about to head out I saw another parent, S's friend's mom, standing teary eyed at the door to their classroom. She was gushing to another mom saying how the kid has grown up and she was not ready for this. I literally touched my cheeks...nothing...no moisture. "Bad Mom" moment...I looked around and saw several other moms doing the same thing...shedding tears...and me...dry like a desert.
I walked away wondering why I did not feel these emotions. I was sad to see her start her next grade but not really sad to see her grow up. As long as she is growing up positively and healthily, who am I to complain? I justified it in my head and walked to the car. I still could not get over it.
I kept mulling about it over and over in my head, am I a bad mom because I did not feel any sadness enough to cry? I thought about it hard and realized that I have never cried at good bye's. The one time I was close to crying was when I left my parents house after a really wonderful summer break. I did not cry during my kinder drop off, or when I left my home country to come to another country. It dawned on me that I lack the emotion and just like me so did G. The image of S shooing me away and going to her desk begging me not to embarrass her came to my head. She sat down at her assigned spot and never once looked back. This was her, from kinder to now...just like mom and dad...she was one of us, the kind that does not look back after saying bye.
Thanks for reading!
A-non-Shedding ART
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