Shed!

All other kids posed for their parents in front of the school sign, in the parking lot, at the door to the school, in their classroom, everywhere. Mine, well, did not. She refused to smile for the camera and kept looking away every time I begged her for a pose. I was that miserable parent you see running around with her phone ready to snap a shot and missing completely. G stood smirking at my "typical" mom behavior. Both him and S laughed at me while I was not looking. Oh! Well!

As I was about to head out I saw another parent, S's friend's mom, standing teary eyed at the door to their classroom. She was gushing to another mom saying how the kid has grown up and she was not ready for this. I literally touched my cheeks...nothing...no moisture. "Bad Mom" moment...I looked around and saw several other moms doing the same thing...shedding tears...and me...dry like a desert.

I walked away wondering why I did not feel these emotions. I was sad to see her start her next grade but not really sad to see her grow up. As long as she is growing up positively and healthily, who am I to complain? I justified it in my head and walked to the car. I still could not get over it.

I kept mulling about it over and over in my head, am I a bad mom because I did not feel any sadness enough to cry? I thought about it hard and realized that I have never cried at good bye's. The one time I was close to crying was when I left my parents house after a really wonderful summer break. I did not cry during my kinder drop off, or when I left my home country to come to another country. It dawned on me that I lack the emotion and just like me so did G. The image of S shooing me away and going to her desk begging me not to embarrass her came to my head. She sat down at her assigned spot and never once looked back. This was her, from kinder to now...just like mom and dad...she was one of us, the kind that does not look back after saying bye.

Thanks for reading!
A-non-Shedding ART

Dressing Down...

I enjoyed dressing up, looking beautiful, putting in the effort...well, I enjoyed it when it happened that once in a while moment. The rest of the time, it only reminded me of the effort to do it and undo it. I remember the times as a high school kid when I decided that I would dress up plain and simple to stand out in the over made up crowd. My strategy did not work.

I remember the time this guy wanted to go dancing with me and I walked into the club (aka known as disc's in the '90s India) wearing salwar and pony'd up hair. I failed miserably but I have to give kudos to the guy who did not bat an eye (in front of me at least) when I showed up tired and bored. This was my style. I did revenge dress up. If I had to go meet someone I had once had a crush on, then I took the effort, else it was casual jeans and tee.

I even remember the days I would walk into a 5 star hotel quite under dressed and be stared at. I told myself that people who go to luxury places every day (not that this was my daily thing) did not have to dress up to show that they belonged, I assumed I carried some sort of air around me...failed assumption.

When I finally got a chance to go on a date with this (then) cute guy I dressed up. Wore a really cute denim short dungarees borrowed from my friend and my cute boots. All my friends noted that I looked cute. One of them also said that they never knew I had such nice legs (Ahem!).

Then I grew up and got a job. My first job required me to wear jeans and tee as I had to be on site and it was dusty and dirty. This fell well within my realm of wardrobe and comfort zone. I owned 2 formal wear. When we had to go to a facility for the opening ceremony I showed up to work dressed up and people failed to recognize me. Everyone noted, "You clean up really well..."

My next job started off well. I updated my wardrobe and had a full set of formal wear. The first two months went off well until I noticed that not everyone dressed up. The company was very dry on their style. Some really annoying people around me made comments on the fact that I was over dressed...so I fell back into my comfort zone. A few times I dressed up people around me made similar comments like, "You clean up really well..."

I walked into a bar last night after a tired day and realized that I was there in my house tee, old jeans and Hawaii chappals. No, I am not a regular there. Yes, I was supremely under dressed. There was no one to take revenge on, no great occasion. Husband and I got the rare chance to grab a drink and eat a snack on our own. I was complacent in my attire. I realized that this is me, the under dresser. I never cared for it before to start now. I enjoy the one off compliment from my friends or acquaintances. I enjoy dressing up for the special occasions. I enjoy feeling special sometimes. There is more spice to it this way for me than to be made up all the time. This is me! A very comfy me.


With love,
The Under Dressed ART