Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Of Depression and being Depressed

I think it is the most indescribable feeling. You cannot express what you feel inside while you are smiling on the outside so the world sees that your life is alright. It is most definitely not but you are too ashamed to talk about it. It happens to most of us, at least once...

I sat watching daughter play tennis with three adult women doing a tennis clinic. She was having fun, giggling, running, and playing good strokes. The coach was happy while I kept telling her to run. I sat down on the bench waiting for the coach to kick her out and say buh-bye. She had had a long evening but was still going on with a lot of gusto.

A lady sat sniffling next to me, she was busy wiping her tears, my daughter was actually warming up in her spot. I casually said, "it's a Monday, things get better closer to Friday." I did not want to trivialize her but I wanted her to know that things get better. She nodded and kept crying. This was in public view, everyone could see her, if she was crying out loud in the open then something is really off in her life. I asked her over a sip of water, "Everything all right? Do you want to talk?" This was a complete stranger and I was offering her my ears. Through her sniffles she said, "My husband, he is depressed, and he does not let me in."

"I get you," I said and she looked at me in shock. "I was there, we both were there, and I understand." She asked me, "how did you get out of it?" I replied, "I have no idea, I think we snapped out of it one fine day and you will too." She stood up and said, "I wanted to hear that, I wanted someone to say that it will all be better but no one can understand. All my friends keep asking me and are getting nosy. I don't want to talk about this with them. My life is a mess."

"No one can empathize with you, this is only your pain. Even people who have been through this forget what it was like very soon. We have a transient memory only latching on to the good times. You have no one to explain but yourself," I reassured her and she nodded her head, held my hand and said, "Now, I will go and vent some frustrations on the tennis balls." She walked away into the court as my daughter came out sweating. We walked back to our car chatting and my daughter asked me, "who was that lady talking to you, did you know her?"

No, I did not know her, she was a stranger but I really hoped that things worked out for her. That she would wake up tomorrow and her life would turn around just like it did for me. I know it was not easy and I will still not talk about it to anyone but when it does, it is amazing. The feeling of finding what was lost is something you cannot express in words. I have other friends who are going through similar issues in life and I see them and hope I can chat with them but the door is always shut. I hope they also find solace in the words of a stranger or open up to a trusted friend. Depressed or not life goes on...at least for everyone else.

Arty Art!

1 comment:

Malcolm Fernandes said...

Where's that 'thumbs up' icon when you need it?!