And the Bitch is back!

There is always that one person in your life who will do everything possible to make you feel inferior. A lot of times when it is true, you accept it and make changes or move on but sometimes it is fit for laughs and laughs only. Especially when you know that there is nothing you can do to prove your worth...

Recently, I met up with an acquaintance. I want to call her my friend but every time I try to reach out to her or do friendly stuff she either shuts me out or does not accept my friendship. I let it be and now I have come to accept that we will never be friends even after knowing each other for a long time now. Most of my conversation with her are always about others, others I do not know or will never meet. It goes like this on most days:

Her: Do you know so-and-so (sas)?
Me: Nope.
Her: Very smart lady. Has a PhD in microfundamentalpoliticalphysicalshitthatyouwillneverknow
Me: Really? Sounds very impressive.
Her: She is nothing her husband is even better...double PhD in the same thing and very amazing person.
Me: Wow!
Her: Well their kids, are so amazing, one is in Stanford, one in Harvard and the other is studying in the first university in Mars.
Me: Amazing!
Her: Yup. Have you heard of this other person?
Me: Nope...
Her: blah blah blah
Me: Monosyllable excitement.

I always leave wondering how any of our conversation made me feel? Am I supposed to feel awed that she knows all these great people? Am I to feel bad that I only have a Master's? Am I to feel worried if my daughter will go to the best school in the country?

I am normally not known for in depth conversation with everyone. I save that for a few inner circle friends but at least I do not try to patronize people on most days. These meetings are at best boring and I wonder why I have to deal with this and then I remember, it is always nice to have a variety of people around you. My life is definitely not monotonous. People like her make me appreciate some people more than the other .


Return of the Bitchy Art!

Turning!

As we leaf through book of our own life, each page is filled with a new memory, a new friendship or relationship, a new story, a new memory of an old story, laughter, sadness, tears from joy and angst, smiles, successes and failures, etc. We age as we go through the book, old memories becomes experience, new memories are our identity and we mature, just like a bottle of old wine waiting to be enjoyed. That is me, now I can officially start checking a different box for age group. I have ranked up. Matured, older and (but none the) wiser. Unfortunately for me, I am still a little girl inside of a physically mature me. I am still afraid to be alone, sometimes lazy, very quirky, have not updated bad habits to good habits yet, can break into a dance in a second or cry over nothing. I am still me, the same me that was there a decade ago or 3 decades ago. Nevertheless, I am happy to step into a new decade, with hopes and excitement as anyone else and also not looking forward to biological slow down. I cannot imagine me not dancing for 3 straight hours of Indian music. I cannot imagine not being able to run 3 miles if I feel like it. I do not want to imagine me slowing down my pace in my walk, talk or anything but I know I have to look forward to that.

Age is nothing but a number...ahem! Easier said than done. I will tackle each battle as I get there and will share it with everyone to read. And while it lasts, I will try to have a blast in my new decade!

Happy Birthday to Me!
Birthdayed-out-ART

Running As Fast As I Can!!!

Have you ever felt that your life is nothing but running from pole to pole? Deadline to deadline? Friend to friend? From home to work and back? From classes to cooking to cleaning to taking care of chores to catching up on TV and catching up on life. Sometimes even watching TV gets overwhelming. I am scheduling TV time in my day just to make sure that I do not miss out on some fun.

There are so many things to remember to do, so many things to take care of, so many places to be and sometimes all at one time. Just writing this down makes me go breathless. I sometimes feel that I live in the constant fear on forgetting something. Did I pack ear muffs for daughter's tennis class? How about a snack? Her gloves? My dabba for lunch? My ID? My purse (yes, I have forgotten this sometime)? My phone😭? My this and that and knickknacks. Golly, I have several lists, I track things at several locations and still fall short.

I keep reminding myself on friend's to text to, say, wish them for a birthday, or ask about their parent or child who is sick, or inquire about an upcoming plan, or their health. I still miss out on something important. I am sure I have at least 2 or 3 people who are upset with me because I did not wish them or ask them about something that was extremely important to them. I promise, it is not because you are not important or I have better things to do. That text message is sitting with the snack I forgot and the dance class fee I forgot to pay two weeks in a row among other things. Yes, even sending a simple text message can cause hyperventilation. I reminded myself three times before I sent out a friend "get well soon" text. I was glad I did that today when it was still in the correct window of wishing. I dread the day a friend will remind me of how thoughtless I am without feeling thoughtless for telling me such a thing.

Now, I understand that these wishes, texts, chores, give us identity, friendships, families, things to look forward to. I only hope that they are not the ones that also give me a heart attach. I have to keep this short so I can go and forget something else or not respond to a text or skip running to a class.

A Running ART!

This is idyllic. Kids running ahead and dad's making sure they are fine while mom's go for a relaxing walk. Wish everyday was like this one!