Trying to Rest at Home

I have been really sick before but I never took the time off to stay home. I was always back at work. I felt that if I stayed at home, I would be cleaning, organizing, sorting, and doing things I did not get done before. The last time I did that was in Feb of 2008 when I had flu and I could not move a limb. And now again, I am at home spending time on the couch. I cannot move and do any cleaning even I wanted to. The knee hurts, so I am sitting with heat pad to the back, cold pack on my knees, water bottles, remote controls, phone and laptop with lotsa pillows and blankets. I really hope not to move though I did sweep the house clean. I could not bear to see my hair taking over the floor space.

At the same time, I am sitting at home feeling super guilty that I have sent my daughter who has a cold to school because I really cannot take care of her the way I am right now. Mentally too, I am exhausted and I am really short with her. The guilt is immense but if I recover soon, then maybe I can take care of her better. I don't think that with a broken knee I can do much of parenting other than asking her to fetch me things (which she does beautifully) or to sit down and be a good girl. So I have convinced myself that this is good.

Mommy guilt sucks the most in the world. If only there was a way I could meditate the whole thing away...how nice would that be?

Since I am at home, doing nothing but sitting on my ass...I might actually post today...random things. I really want to sort the pics from our SFO/LA/Vegas trip. Hopefully I do that and get them online for family and make the album I wanted to do...lets see...

Love
ART

Em-Brace it!

Most of the time when someone gets hurt they always have a good story, or at least a story. Well, I am obviously different. I have hurt my knee really bad, for the first time in my life, and I do not know how or when it happened. I am in pain, unable to walk and still no story. I rake through my brain, and nope, none. I twisted it and have no recollection of when! Well, that is taking being Clumsy to a new height...a "forgetful clumsy."

The only background I can see to the story is that I went for a boot camp on Friday, but that was two days before the pain started. Maybe I had strained some ligament after the boot camp and when I jumped out of our very high bed I twisted it. But again, no real solid story, just a surmise because Saturday and Sunday I was perfectly fine with the normal post-boot camp thigh pain which is painful but fun (you know it!).

At the end of it, I am sitting with a possible LCL tear (hopefully that is what this is) and a prayer hoping that it wont get any more complicated. I am wearing a brace, taking thrice as much time to get chores done, getting no chores done, feeling super sorry for myself and crying at random things (yes I am super emo like that), expecting my 4 year old to take care of me (yep, dependent too), limping, screaming while trying to make turns, unable to sleep comfortably, icing the swelling....and more...I can go on but I am going to stop before everyone starts hating a me, the cribber...but you get the point, one torn knee and life goes downward.

Anyways, I took Babs to Beauty & Beast on Sunday and she loved it!

Love
ART

My throat is Sat

I would love for Babs to speak at least 2 languages. I can fluently 4 languages and communicate in 4 others. The advantages for that need not be re-written by me. Since she started school after summer this year, the task is getting more and more difficult for me and G. We try to remind her to talk to us in Hindi but she switches back with no difficulty to English and almost always has to be threatened to translate it for us. There are times when G and I play the silent game where we do not respond to her until she switches language. All this is painful, really.

During New Year's Eve party, Babs and her friend R were screaming their lungs out, dancing, running around, and in general tired. When I sat down to take a break, Babs ran to my lap, relaxed on me and told me in a hoarse voice, "amma, my throat has sat." All of us burst out laughing. She was literally translating, "Mera gala bait gaya," into English.

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While we were in San Francisco for the year end we visited Berkeley a lot. All of us awwed and oohed at the awesome campus that nature had made for the university. Mountains on one side and the bay on the other. Wow! So Babs kept asking what it was, and I told her about the awesome school that Berkeley is...

When we got back to town, I had to get Babs re-updated to school life and I started helping her with spelling and simple addition. While I was folding laundry, she was busy doing her 6 sums, all single digit addition, and it was taking her a lot of time. Suddenly she looked up and asked me, "Amma, which one should I go to? Berkeley or Harvard?"

Me: What? Why would you ask that?

Babs: You tell me that if I study well, I will go to a good school right?

Me: Have you added 1+6 yet?

Ya, I have spoken to her about Harvard, and I threaten her from time to time that if she makes it to a community college then ma, and pa ain't funding her...but I am really hoping that I will not be a parent who is hovering over her child all the time...but who knows...lets see...

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On January 8th, we took Babs to a full length feature (animated) film in a theater. It was a gamble. I was worried that she will talk too much (which she did), and I was worried that I might disturb other patrons (which I did not). I was also worried that I might not enjoy the movie (which I did) and worried that I will never do this again (I am so going to...Beauty and the Beast...here we come!).

The movie was Tintin. I picked up some Quesadilla for her and a lemonade and I made her have her dinner while watching the movie. She had questions from time to time because she did not know who was who and what was what but she whispered most of the time. She was always concerned for Snowy and did not care much for others...

At the end of the movie, she tells me, "I love Tintin."

Ten minutes into the drive home, "Amma tell me about the movie, I did not understand anything."

Two days after the movie, G and Babs were doing Captain Haddock and Red Rackham style sword fight using her thunder sticks! 

I know, she got it...in 5 years she will also memorize all Tintin books like the rest of us! :) Cannot wait to re-read them with her.

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Right now her favorite songs are: Lukka Chupi from RDB,Aadat Se Majboor from Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl. She is always singing one of these songs. I had forced her to learn Yamunai Aatrile but she prefers to sing Lukka Chupi. I am the one singing boy part...and I love to jam with her...although my singing credentials are totally suspect...I love singing with her.

In the last 6 months, she has learnt to color within the lines and also know her alphabets in written form too. She can count a bit and can try and add...though 1+6 to her as E=mc^2 is to me. We are making progress but my hectic work schedule last year completely took me off working with her on anything.

Before I sign off, here is her singing Yamunai Aatrile! Please pardon her pronunciation, though now she has become better at it.

Love,

Your Amma

Run down of 2011

Like every year...here are the highlights of my 2011...I had written this down before I left to California but had no time to edit it or make sure I got everything right while I was running from city to city. So a delayed year end culminatory post...

• January was fun. Babs got to spend a lot of time with her cousin who spent a couple of weeks with us. We were at the mall everyday playing in the play area.
• February was the coldest month of the year. We had five snow days and spent a whole week indoors. I had to get creative with keeping Babs busy. 
• We did Holi for the first time with Babs in a big way. She had a great time with her best friend and us with her parents and I am beginning to enjoy getting colored up. Then of course I had another birthday. A Birthday where I thought I was a year older than I was...that was a pleasant surprise.
• April was a trip to Chattanooga to meet the parents and NC to meet with the older bro. We rented a cabin, stayed in the Smokies and drove all the way to the coast to meet up with the other brother and did all that in one week. It was super fun.
• May we spent a weekend in Austin after a long time with some very close friends. It was fun catching up and seeing the kids bond.
• I was trying my best to save myself from the heat and kept low through the summer. Babs and I did attempt at playing some tennis on good days but most of the days we were stuck indoors doing whatevers.
• In July we celebrated the fireworks with her cousins and friends atop our office parking lot enjoying the view and fun.
• August, was the fun month with the trip to NJ/NY and made tons of memories there.
• September had busy weekends
• October, the Babs and G both turned a year older and we celebrated it on the same day one after the other until I was completely exhausted and the word Party made me gag.
• November saw us taking the amazing trip to Oklahoma...
• December made me re-bond with a very good friend whom I thought I had lost. And of course the fun trip to SFO, LA and Vegas before we welcomed the New Years!

The year 2011 was definitely not as busy as the other years but it saw a new Babs. A grown up girl who had started to sleep in her own room. A girl who was open to trying out Mac & Cheese, or chicken nuggets. A Babs who still wanted to go back home or eat Dal and Rice. A Babs who had her first Ballet Recital, started to write, started to read...A Babs who was my very own 4 year old, with a personality that I am beginning to love, to enjoy and get frustrated with too...Looking for many more new discoveries in the New Year!

Happy 2012 everyone! 

Love

ART

Posting for December 2011

As I browsed through the Washington Post page I realized how soonly we are approaching the end of 2011. Every thing everywhere seems to be winding down to "The Best of..." It freaked me out that 2011 came and left so soon. I will not add 2011 to my best year in my life but then looking back, it was not that bad at all. A few ups and downs but majority of it was flat and then I realized that I was happy in 2011. So, I sat down to wonder which year as being my saddest? I could not. Every year had it's share of sucky points and then its share of happy points. My mind randomly tried to blank out every sucky point and only place the bright ones above. I was happy. I assured myself I was a happy person.

Obviously, it does not end there...brain has this funny thing, it starts rummaging through past once it realizes that there was more than what met the eye...I remembered 1995...It was the year I had to choose college. Those few days was very stressful, for reasons I do not wish to write. I remembered 2008, the year where both G and Babs took amazing turns at making me spend most of the year in the hospital. I remembered 2005...again, cannot write why but I it was bad...I clearly remembered giving my 10th boards in 1993 and praying every day for 2 months that I pass in Hindi. It was stressful. Oh! How I hated Hindi and to think that now I speak it every breathing moment...well almost...

Awesomely, as I browsed through sadness, I still continued to remember only the happy times. Like the time we moved to Chennai in 1989 and meeting my BFF's K & S the same year. The year 2000 when I moved to a different country. 2005...when we got married in a raining Chennai...The year 2010 when I visited friends in EU. The year 2007 when my daughter was born. The year 1995, when I chose the college and I was happy with it...in spite of every thing. The years from 1993-1995 when K and I re-discovered friendship. The year 1993 when N and I became friends. The year 1992 when Ramachandran Sir and I met for the first time...and so much more

Well ya...more things to write about happy memories because I stopped after listing only a handful...a few sad ones too but then what is life without salt and pepper? So here is to all of us for chewing down another year like sugarcane and spitting out the bad images. Happy 2012 and hopefully more fun memories than bad ones to make.

Love
ART